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The Purpose Pages

I was in prison from 2002-2012. These are my journals from that time.

A Visit with a Lonely Girlfriend

Written in Jail 12/21/2002

 

I was writing a journal post, when I was called into the visiting room.  Someone was here to see me.  As I approached the door, I was suprised to see my girlfriend standing in the first visiting booth behind the glass wall.  I haven’t seen her for at least a month, and I was beginning to feel lonely.  She was so excited to see me when I walked into the room, and I was ecstatic to see her beautiful face and “bright” personality…

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A Thought on the Origin of Time

Written in Jail 12/22/2002

Hello, it’s Sunday night and I just don’t know what to do.  I am trapped in this cage called jail.  I don’t want to sleep (Too much coffee).  I tried reading my bible. (Ephiesians, just not feeling it) I don’t feel like writing more letters. (Burned out)  So the last option I have is to write about what I don’t want to do… and here I am.

“Time is never time at all.” I find myself sining these lyrics from an old Smashing Pumkins song often.  It’s deep and true….

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Peace and Quiet; Between the Annoying Jerks

Written in Jail 12/25/2002

I feel very alive tonight.  I am sipping on my 3rd cup of coffee, probably around the 2 AM morning hour.  I am up later than everyone else, and it is so quiet and peaceful in the cell block.  Out of 22 people, I think I am the only one left awake.  Everyone else is away and free, traveling in their dreams.  I am the last physically-awake one in the room, yet I am mentally dreaming about my life which I am trying to put into words.

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All I Want in My Future is Peace.

Written in Jail 12/25/2002

I need peace!  I only want peace out of life!  I’m tired.  I don’t want anymore involvement with scandalous, scamming, corner-cutting lifestyles anymore.  I want to live sober in mind, spirit, and body.  I dream of being honest with myself, friends, and the family who continues to surround me. I want to be a loving, caring, humorous, respectable, tactfully-rambunctious, unique cool person.  I can imagine myself being this, and I like it.

Continue reading “All I Want in My Future is Peace.”

I Was Too Smart for Heroin.

Written in Jail 12/20/2002

When I was high on heroin one time, I called and left this voice mail on a friend’s answering machine.  In the morning, she delivered the typed transcript to me in an envelope.  I don’t know if she did it as a joke, or if she was subtly saying I needed help.  Either way, this is what I said when I was high:

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DRUGS!

Written 12/19/02 in jail.

Drugs!  I love Drugs! I imagined drugs as a best friend for a long time.  I was never scared or intimidated by drugs.  Drugs were a natural – energy filled – powerhouse for me.  I saw drugs as an exciting, powerful, wonderful substance that could propel a simple human mind into a state of uninhibited spiritual and insightful realm of revelation.

THE STORY OF HOW THIS ADVENTURE BEGAN 

My drug-fueled adventures were intense and meaningful experiences.

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Leadership Styles: What I uncovered hiking on Lookout Mountain.

What makes a leader?  Why be a leader?  And, How to be a leader?

I was visiting Colorado this past weekend.  While there, I pushed myself to explore new environments to find God far away from the comfortable home I’ve made in Minnesota.  When I do activities like this – activities that push me to my limits physically, emotionally, and spiritually –  I can’t help but daydream about my purpose in life and how I am going to fulfill it with the limited time I have alive on earth.

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How to Become a Better Person: Build an Adventure Within You, and a New Adventure Will Come.

What happened to me?  I used to be so… unhappy, unorganized, unfocused, and confused inside.

Somewhere along my life journey I changed.  I became honest, likable, responsible, driven, motivated, and productive?  Somehow, at some point, I changed from an entitled, ungrateful, manipulative human being into a man I am proud to be today.

So how does a person make that change?  Without losing yourself in the process, how do you become a better person?

Continue reading “How to Become a Better Person: Build an Adventure Within You, and a New Adventure Will Come.”

How I Survived my First Year of Marriage, and Conquered the Selfishness!

My wife and survived our first year of marriage by making it to our first anniversary last weekend!  At times, the journey wasn’t the most beautiful or graceful thing I’ve ever done.  My wife and I struggled at times, we fought at times, we loved at times, and we truly enjoyed the journey at times.   But at other times, we got loud, got stubborn, and even swore a few times.  At this first anniversary date, we’re both excited we made it, and also relieved that our first year of marriage, and all of the challenges that came with it, are finally done for us.  We made it, and because we learned how to fight together, and for each other, rather than against each other, we’re happier now than the first day we started.  This is what I looked like last weekend when I made it to my first anniversary with my wife:

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