“In Jail, it seems like a minute is an hour, and an hour is as long as an entire day.”
This is what my new roomie just told me, and I think he’s right. He was talking about the contrast between “free time” and “jail time.” I thought it was a perfectly descriptive quote as I am getting used to living in this jail time now.
I felt my shoulders starting to relax for the first time in about two weeks today! My body has been so tense with the constant stress of being in jail, that I didn’t even realize it. If you read some of my last few journal entries, they’re perfect examples of the problems that I’ve been having with people. I suppose some of the stress and aggravation that I feel are things that I have brought on myself by making the decisions that have put me here, but I believe most of the problems I am experiencing have been created because I have spent too much time dealing with people I shouldn’t be dealing with in jail.
I have begun to despise some of the men in here, and I am starting to refuse to deal with many of them. I haven’t talked to my old cell mate for close to two weeks. I started not to be able to stand their always selfish, ignorant, judgmental, complaining attitudes. My entire spirit is being tested by these men. I have been locked in a room full of men with a million problems, and I’ve just realized that patience and faith are going to be the only things that will be able to deliver me from these problems.
Tonight, the two people I have been having the most problems with were moved to a different cell block. After they finally left, I went into a state of deep thought and weighed my feelings once they were gone. I took time to ponder the entire situation with them, and how I have been engulfed in the stress and torment of their lives impacting mine.
I talked to a guy who I trust in here, and he just told me, “Maybe you just need to yell.” I thought about his statement for a second, took a deep breath, and yelled as loud as I could, “I HATE THIS CRAP!” I yelled it so loud that the entire cell block hushed and looked at me. At that moment, I instantly felt more relaxed than I had in two weeks.
Sometimes you just need to scream and let it all out when you’re going through a very difficult time.