Written in Jail 12/21/2002
I was writing a journal post, when I was called into the visiting room. Someone was here to see me. As I approached the door, I was suprised to see my girlfriend standing in the first visiting booth behind the glass wall. I haven’t seen her for at least a month, and I was beginning to feel lonely. She was so excited to see me when I walked into the room, and I was ecstatic to see her beautiful face and “bright” personality…
We were extremely excited to talk when I walked into the room. I picked up the phone, and she said my beard looked great. I said she looked great also. We talked about each others lives and what’s been going on in our separate lives since we’ve been apart. We looked into each others eyes, and I felt the same passion for her that I felt since the first time we met and kissed. It’s the hardest thing in the world to be so close to the people I love, yet being so far away from them at the same time.
Visits are heartbreaking. This relationship would be heartbreaking too over the next several years. And it wouldn’t end well.
It is difficult to be there for my girlfriend, watching her through a wall of glass. She misses me so much, and is lonely without my presence. I had a friend in here that I used to talk about our girlfriends with. After visits, he’d say, “When I saw her, it made me feel like I was so little. She misses me so much, and there’s nothing I can do about it now.” I felt the same way today. The woman I care deeply about, was so strained right in front of me, and I couldn’t reach out and tell her it would be ok. When the 20 minute visit was up, her eyes got misty, and we both wanted to cry. I remained tough, and waved goodbye to her. And then I was suddenly all alone again. Loneliness is the eternal journey of those who are incarcerated.