On my way through the incarceration system, every once in awhile I would ask someone interesting to write a page in my journal. It was their page. My idea was that part of finding your purpose in life, is meeting the unique people who come into your life. And jail was full of other people. So here is a page a man named Dan left me on 12.24.02
I want to drop a few thoughts about being locked up during Christmas. This will be my 5th consecutive Christmas in jail, and the worst part is that I am only 20 years old.
People on the outside reading this may think a person would just get used to it after 5 years, but I will tell that person they are full of crap. You never get used to it in here.
How does a man express their great feelings of intense loneliness in jail? Does a man like me dare to cry out and vent all of the pain inside of them? Or should they hold it all in, and be a man? I honestly don’t have an answer to that. I just have to give my life to the Lord.
But in all honesty, even though I have held it together in here, I still have alot of pain. Just like everyone else, I don’t want to be away from my loved ones. It just sucks to be in here.
Wouldn’t it make more sense if we all accepted the fact that we are here for Christmas, and get along with each other for a little while?
Jail is my time for reflection on my past. This year is the first year my baby gils is in the world and I am in here. That hurts me more than anyone knows. I feel we all must suck it up a little and make the best of it, even though we want to cry like little children over the many painful feelings we carry inside of us.
Remember, Christmas is really about Jesus Christ. I have to remember to give thanks for that, and not overthink my life. I think we should all pray for each other, even those of us incarcerated.
I hope to call friends and family this Christmas, and tell them that I love them. That, in fact, may be what Christmas is all about: Love.
“God so loved the world that he gave his only son, so that everyone who believes in him, will not perish, but have eternal life.” John 3:16
That sums up Christmas in jail to me. Take it easy, and let’s all get along. Remember, this season is hard on all of us if we choose to show that pain or not.
A great song once said, “I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams.”
Amen to that.