Last night I laid in bed and couldn’t sleep. I felt waves of depression creeping over me like a snake. I think we all have nights like this. I’m always pushing myself to make the right decisions, holding myself accountable to reach such a high standard, but sometimes reality catches up to me and I doubt if I can ever become the person I see in my dreams. (Read my intense life journey HERE.)
I’m not normally a depressed person. I’m very much the opposite. I’m usually a free, high, man on a mission driven by extreme enthusiasm to become an interesting man and experience a fascinating journey. I spend most of my life floating around the world like this.
I don’t know if it’s because what goes up must come down, or if no matter how strong you get, you can never fight off evil entirely, but every once in awhile I’ll have a night where I hit the wall, and look out my window, and stare at the moon and wondering, why do I feel so insecure right now, like a failure, when I know that my character is rock solid.
I tossed and turned until about 3 AM and then somehow I fell asleep…
The next morning I woke up still tossing and turning in the same anxiety and depressing doubt. I laid there wanting to disappear, but I knew if I’m truly committed to my dream I’ll have to get up, get on the trail again, and keep trying for the dream I have for my life.
It’s moments like this that separates the winners and losers in life. If you’re a winner, you get up. It’s that simple. A loser has nights like this and stays down. A winner has nights like this, but refuses to be controlled by such thoughts. When you’re down, you just have to keep getting up. It’s the only way you will ever have a realistic chance of reaching your dreams. People will judge you, people will criticize you for making mistakes and being different, but only the voice of God can tell you the direction you’re supposed to take your life. That’s primarily what we we’re trying to do at the Purpose Pages; inspire people to hear the voice of God, and follow it to their unique purpose of life. Slow and steady wins the race, and it’s all about getting up when you’re feeling down, and trying to do battle with dark clouds of evil to reach your life purpose.
So yesterday I forced myself to get through my day. It was a beautifully warm Minnesota April day, and at sunset I decided to go for a walk which is one of my favorite past times. While out on the trail of life, praying for the strength to continue my journey, I was miles from home and it started raining on me.
It was a warm rain, which was strange because April is cold at this time of year in Minnesota. The rain didn’t chase me away. I didn’t feel like running, or fleeing, instead I just kept walking and starting ahead at the visions ahead of me and I felt absolutely awesome as I became soaking wet while on this earth.
I texted this to myself as I walked so I would remember it… “Beautiful night for a walk. And if it rains on you, call it a baptism and feel privileged to experience it. You only live once on this earth.”